un-improve myself

Yes, I am swimming against the tide here.

I have spent hours and days reading books and articles about how to do this or that better.

When I wanted to take notes, I would search “how to take notes”. There is a lot of content we can read about that. There are techniques, best practices and tools. After hours of reading, testing apps and watching YouTube videos, there is only one thing I did not do, take notes.

When I wanted to make the most of the books, I would search for “how to read a book”. After some time, guess what? I didn’t read the book.

I am interested in languages. Every time Spotify started playing music in a different language, I would look for the lyrics. That would trigger me to the point of “I need to learn that language”, and I would spend time searching for courses, videos and apps that could teach me how to speak in that language.

I like being alone with my thoughts. I take advantage of that time, and instead of using my phone, I sit and let my mind drift.

In one of those moments, these ideas emerged.

“Why am I trying to improve?” “Why do I want to rush things?” “Why do I want to learn a new language?” “Why do I want to read a book a month?”

The short answer is ego.

I wanted to say that I speak a new language. I wanted to say I read books and fast. I wanted to show off my note-taking skills.

What they have in common is that none of those “justifications” was towards me! I wanted to be good for others.

I wanted to improve so I could impress others.

It could not get more stupid!

So, what did I do? I started doing, stopped asking or looking for suggestions, techniques, tricks, apps, courses, etc.

I sit and read the book I want to read. I grab a pen and write down what I think is relevant to me.

This need to impress, to show how I am: interesting, pretty, informed, whatever, is dead!